If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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