Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize