Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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