We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
