i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
