OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
