oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
