dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
