Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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