can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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