i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
