i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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