i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
