grandma shit on top of the toilet
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
