i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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