Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
