Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
