Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
