It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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