I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
