my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize