So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
