i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
