i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
