He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
