So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
