I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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