I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
