You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
