best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
