So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
