How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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