How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
