omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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