I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
