is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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