Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
