Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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