I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
