i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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