We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
