I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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