Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
