ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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