I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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