I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
