I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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