Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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