and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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