Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
