if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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