the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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