Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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