i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
