everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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