Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
