So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize