i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
