He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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