I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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