Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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