I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
