so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
