just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
