meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
