onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize