gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
