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did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
